I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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