You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
