I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
