do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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