If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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