just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
