3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
