my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
