don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
