i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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