good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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