see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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