Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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