If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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