I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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