I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
