How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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