i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
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Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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