awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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