I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
