Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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