I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
