Got a toothbrush?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
