I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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