and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize