At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
