God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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