Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
