He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
