grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
