She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
