so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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