He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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