I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
