if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
