even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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