I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
