i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
