I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
