If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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