god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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