apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
