I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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