so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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