You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
