So drunk its hurt
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
