yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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