OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
