I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
