The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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