dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
