Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
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siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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