I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
