AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
