I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
