now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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