Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
