And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
