Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
