I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
