He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
