So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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