Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
do herpes really smell.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
