Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
