I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
