I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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