this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You took a bar mat shot.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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