i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
