Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
