If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
