Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Shame - the story of my life.
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